Turkey Day in Afghanistan

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Army photo

U.S. Army Soldiers eat their Thanksgiving meal on Combat Outpost Cherkatah, Khowst province, Afghanistan, Nov. 26, 2009.

The Pentagon may not be able to audit its books, but it’s always able to get Thanksgiving dinner – with all the fixins’ – to U.S. troops far from home over the holiday.

Just like clockwork, a delicious aroma wafted from our computer when the Defense Logistics Agency Troop Support Subsistence (OK, so the outfit’s name ain’t so tasty) emailed its Turkey Day menu Battleland’s way.

On Thursday, the 68,000 U.S. troops at more than 200 locations across Afghanistan will chow down on

— About 45,000 pounds of turkey (that’s .66 pound per troop).

— More than 60,000 pounds of beef (.88 pound per troop).

— Some 20,000 pounds of ham (.3 pound per troop).

— Nearly 30,000 sweet potatoes (.4 yam per troop – hey, it’s a vegetable).

— And 5,800 pies (hmmm…that’s only a half-slice per soldier, assuming six slices per pie. But let’s assume, as the Pentagon’s number-crunchers sometimes do, just for the sake of argument — a notional case, as they like to say — that each pie is cut into 12 piece. Bingo: everyone gets a slice!). Perhaps they’re Pentagon-sized pies.

“The personnel at DLA Troop Support and our servicing vendors take great pride in ensuring that our warfighters in distant, austere environments get as close to a traditional holiday meal as possible,” Rich Faso of DLA says.

No mention of Alka-Seltzer shipments.