Them’s Fightin’ Words

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The real E.T.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates on Wednesday, explaining how the Pentagon plans to help cut $400 billion in spending over the coming 12 years by curtailing dubious missions:

“They represent missions that the department carries out today that, while of value, are not central to our core mission or are of lower priority.”

Following this comment, the sound of entrenching tools — folding shovels designed to quickly dig in and create a defensive position against enemy fire — could be heard clacking open throughout the Pentagon and at military headquarters across the country and around the globe. Forces are now being mustered across the entire U.S. military-industrial-congressional complex to prove the value of every last thing the U.S. military currently does.

Word is, the Missile Defense Agency is bringing in a fleet of backhoes.