Desert Sunrise
Recently there has been a lot of buzz in BattleLand about Post-Traumatic Stress (PTS), like this first-hand account by Ron Capps, or any of Mark Thompson’s posts. Currently a huge campaign is going on in the United States urging those affected to seek assistance, complete with billboards, TV ads, and self-help numbers.
Statistically gays and lesbians are more likely to suffer from depression, and even attempt suicide. Let’s not fool ourselves, the stresses of the LGBT lifestyle are real and all this talk about PTS got me thinking about how gays in the military are and are not getting the help they need.
First I want to set the record straight and say my own personal struggles with DADT seem trivial in comparison to those of shell-shocked combat veterans. That being said, mental health is currently a special interest item within the armed forces, and I wonder what kind of provisions will be offered to help servicemembers who are having a difficult time with their sexuality.
I can speak from personal experience when I say the day to day aversions and posturing are exhausting and stressful. I also know it can be difficult to ask for help. It’s vital to have some sort of an outlet to be yourself and a place you can feel safe. Here’s an example from a page out of my own life story when I was particularly low, but was able to seek help. Thanks to the great friends I have surrounded myself with, I was able to bounce back and come out on top:
It was the year I was in pilot training. I met Tom through a mutual friend who is also gay. We hit it off rather quickly, but I stayed guarded as he was moving to his follow-on assignment shortly thereafter. Despite my best efforts to keep from getting attached, I fell hard for him.
When he left, the hardest part was going back to work and keeping a straight face. I can remember being in my squadron’s cramped mission planning room, surrounded by my fellow student pilots who were getting ready to fly. I avoided eye contact with every one of them. Part of me desperately wanted nobody to talk to me, while the other half just wanted someone to figure me out and ask “what’s wrong?”
For the first time I got to experience what I think every American teenager goes through in high school when they go on their first date and get to just hold hands. The truth is it was the first time in my life I felt normal. I couldn’t help but think this whole being gay thing might work out. I might even wind up happy.
We kept in touch and talked every day at first, but that didn’t last long. After a few weeks of hearing less and less, I was out at the bar with a bunch of my fellow pilot training students. I hadn’t come out to anyone in this group of people. Tom texted me out of the blue, and my face lit up. As the drinks continued to flow and our conversation progressed, Tom said something which struck me deep. I was standing in the middle of all these friends. They were laughing and having a good time while I was on the verge of losing it.
I excused myself to go to the restroom and regain my composure. I guess it didn’t work because when I walked out, one of my best friends saw me and pulled me aside.
“Dude, are you okay?” I can remember him asking me. At that moment I finally lost it and spilled my guts in the way only a half-drunken mess can. The words were far from eloquent, but nonetheless the truth was now out on the table. I was the first gay person Nate had ever met. Me being gay didn’t make him uncomfortable in the slightest, and in the long run made our friendship stronger.
It took a little while to get over Tom, but that process was infinitely easier thanks to the help I received from Nate and other very close friends.
The important message to take away from this story is that I was able to recover with the help of people who care about me, and who I care about dearly in return. After DADT has been fully repealed, I there will be many LGBT troops who have been stewing in their stress in isolation. Like troops about to return from combat, our nightmare is about to be over. I can only hope there will be adequate resources to help those who lack the support network I have been able to build for myself over the years.
– Officer X is a young, gay military officer who is currently serving on active duty despite the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on open service. He is a pilot and regularly flies throughout the world both in and out of combat. His views are his alone and do not reflect the opinions of the U.S. military, its branches, or any organization. Follow him on Twitter @TIMEOfficerX or email him TIMEOfficerX@gmail.com